Everything is different...

The simplest of tasks seem so different now. One moment in the quiet I feel a sense of calm and the next moment a wave of tears come rushing out. How can this be? Seeing tiny fingers remind me of their small yet firm grasp. Folding their blanket brings back the feeling of their tiny joined bodies in my most loving embrace. It aches. Yet, it is also beautiful and sublime. But it aches. It cries out loud. Every. Single. Day. I just miss you two and I don't know how to feel.

Mama Bear

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Hard to Say Goodbye to 2020...

It has been a long while since I have posted. Time has passed and I actually don't really know where I am in the grieving process. I am grateful for all that I have, but I know a part of me still misses what could be. To rewind a bit, I will discuss my New Year celebration this year. Usually my family and I bring in the New Year at church. This is something I have always looked forward to. We get together sing songs, hear testimonies and a last reflection of the year from our pastor. Due to COVID, much like many other events, this has changed. This year I stood home with my small family. I remember venturing out in the evening because I just had to get something New Years related. Traditionally my mother would always get a hat, noise maker, or anything fun and quirky to ring in the New Year. I always loved that she tried to make it festive and fun. So as I walked outside in search for New Years gear, I was saddened by the fact that all the outdoor vendors were non-existent. I fina...

Change

The leaves are falling The birds are singing Everything is the same, but it's different. The wind is blowing autumn's silent song I feel the return of feelings I have held onto for so long. Falling Crashing Swaying Life feels the same, but it's different. Change is evident in the shifting hues Orange Red Yellow Fading into snow. Seasons come, Seasons go. Everything stays the same, but it's different. The streets clear into the night, Everyone sleeps. The morning's glow is a potent light. Bright, as the day covers the ground, Everything around it stays the same it looks the same but it is different. You have forever changed me. You have forever awakened me in a way nothing else has. I want to feel the same but it is different. I want to look the same but I am different. I want to speak the same but the words are different. What once was, will never be. The transition crashes into me, bringing waves of uncertainty. Questions awaken in me. Frustrations soar out of my...

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I can’t Push Past The Why. 🥺

Treasure in Jars of Clay

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